2011: The Year of the Corset

I’ve been thinking a lot about this past year, and just just how monumental 2011 was for me. I know that most people are done with their “best-ofs” and other lists by the end of December, but it’s not like I’ve paid much mind to those sorts of restrictions in the past. I’m also a terrible procrastinator (those Christmas cards haven’t even been addressed yet. Damn.).

Don’t box me in, man.

Now that we’re 10 days into 2012 I’m ready to present to you,

Things I didn’t Expect in 2011

I didn’t expect:

To be writing for a blog (albeit irregularly).

That I’d be part of an ongoing Dungeons & Dragons game, and that my character would be so blessed to have skills & feats such as “stunning fist” and “flurry of blows.” (Check out Meghann’s posts for more. You’ll thank me later.)

That I’d be commissioned to make embroidery pieces.

That I’d end up with so many scars.

To go to Cape Cod.

That I would officiate a wedding (I’m so lucky to have been a part of that).

… That I wouldn’t remember parts of the reception (uh… thanks again for taking care of me, ladies).

… That I’d end up with a chunk of glass in my foot (you’re a true friend, M). It’s the ultimate souvenir.

I really wanted to know what Annie Lennox was talking about.

… That I’d have such a hard time summing that trip up; I am really thankful for the beautiful people I met (and the delicious lobster I consumed).

To start my other sleeve already.

To have reason to wear a corset regularly (er, again…).

That I would be giving walking tours of any kind, let alone historical ones.

I’d start a business based on said tours (with a righteous friend/business partner, I might add). While working a full-time job, whoa.

That we would be on the radio and in newspapers promoting our business.

That my righteous business partner and I would be considering expanding our business in bold new ways.

We mean business, y'all.

That our business would end up in incredible partnerships with other businesses, organizations and individuals (and that we’d be welcomed so warmly by our community).

That those partnerships would lead to things like planning a big-ass fundraising event, and modeling for a drawing “class” at a bar whilst wearing my Victorian underwear.

Looks like 2011 became The Year of the Corset for me. Many thanks to everyone who had a part of making 2011 one of the most memorable & fun of my life. ♥

What did you do in 2011 that took you by surprise?

Tattoosday: Slut!

There’s a great article on Sociological Images right now titled “Examining Cultural Change: Children’s Tattoo Toys” by David Paul Strohecker. I highly recommend taking the time to read his thoughts on cultural shift, even if you aren’t personally tattooed.

In his article, Strohecker links to the Totally Stylin’ Tattoos Barbie on Amazon, where one can’t help but scroll to the reviews. Oh, the reviews. Here are just a few gems (emphasis added by me):

R. Fogerty: “Wow.. this is really a great role-model for young girls. </sarcasm>
I would never in a million years buy this for my daughter. I’m trying to teach her self-respect and her self-value. What do tramp-stamps say to a young girl? What’s next? A tongue pierced Barbie? (and look up what tongue piercings are for if you don’t know).”

Janet S.: “Little girls who are still small enough to be playing with dolls are too young to be thinking about whether Barbie should be sporting a sleeve of butterflies or simply have a “I am owned by a man” tramp stamp on her butt. Little girls use Barbie accessories to help them act out stories. Put a pretty dress on Barbie and the make-believe conversation is about a special occasion or being a princess. Barbies in beachwear have ‘conversations’ about the beach. Fairytopia Barbies ‘talk’ to other Barbies about fairy things. I can only imagine the ‘conversation’ Tramp Stamp Barbie will have. But the main problem I have with the product is that it makes tattoos seem temporary. Kids see the tattoos they get at festivals as merely a speedy, fancy way of getting their faces/arms painted. And it all rubs off with a wet rag. Barbie’s tats are peel & stick, too. Maybe Mattel will come out with Plastic Surgeon Barbie who can talk & explain to kids how real tattoos are applied using sharp needles and permanent ink, and removing them is painful and usually leaves scars. And then Mattel could follow up with Litigation Barbie who represents a sorority house full of young women who got HIV by going to cheap Miami tattoo parlor on spring break. Dolls help little girls express fantasies or cope with real life. Exactly how does Tramp Stamp Barbie help them do either?”

Lenore “aka Mom”: “Great idea! Now let’s see a “Prison Tat Ken” and “Barbie’s Piercing Parlor Playhouse”.”

Thomas E. Davis: “But I do have a serious point: the schoolgirls who constitute the Barbie crowd are not the demographic that Mattel should be selling on the aesthetics of tattoos. While temporary decals are harmless fun, we live in a world where tattooing and piercing have become obsessions. Nowadays, too many parents are absentees, and their kids can’t wait to get their first permanent body modifications. This toy, together with peer pressure, feeds their incipient rebellion. If they have involved parents, of course, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

There’s an interesting consistency to the objections posed by the various reviewers, namely the issues of self-respect and and actualization. The argument seems to be that people who get tattoos have no self-respect or concept of self-worth, and are too stupid to understand the permanence of their decision to become tattooed. Worse yet– exposing our children to tattooing via dolls and toys automatically leads to them becoming criminals, or worse, “sluts.”

It’s that last point that really gets under the some peoples’ skin. You’ll notice that there is no mention anywhere in the product description that a lower-back or “tramp stamp” (I’ll save my issues with this terminology for another post), but that’s immediately where many reviewers minds went. And how awful! “A tattoo is just a gateway to a tongue piercing… And you know what girls with pierced tongues like doing;” the insinuation being that they like to perform oral sex, particularly on men, just in case you didn’t know. And only dirty, nasty, slutty girls do things like that, right?

Wrong. The issue doesn’t seem to be that little boys could get the wrong idea (because Barbies are for GIRLS, okay?!) about what tattoos could mean for them, but that parents of little girls should be worried about their child becoming a slut because they saw a tattoo on a Barbie, and the worst thing a little girl could do would be to grow up to be a free woman who owns her sexuality, whether she’s actually promiscuous or not.

I agree with Strohecker– times are changing, and tattoos are more socially acceptable now than ever before. I believe it’s only a matter of a few short years before we’re not talking about whether or not tattoos are “professional” enough to be seen in the workplace. I wonder, however, how far behind general acceptance for women with tattoos will be? Can body art equalize, or will tattooed women still have to fight the slut perception?

Dissent: “How to Talk to Little Girls”

Have you read the recent blog post from Huffington Post called “How to Talk to Little Girls” by Lisa Bloom? (I recommend reading it if you haven’t yet.) In this post, Bloom expresses her discontent with the way adults frequently comment first on how pretty or cute a little girl is, rather than engaging her in real conversation about her other characteristics.

Photo credit: A. Gonzalez

Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What’s missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.

Bloom makes some good points, and I’m glad that she’s starting this dialogue. Immediately pointing out a girl’s appearance could make her think that she needs to preen herself based on what society expects her to look like. However, I think she’s missing a few things:

The problem isn’t that women don’t have lives filled with meaning.
They do. The women (and men) I know lead rich, full lives regardless of financial means. Some of them are even lucky enough to have found partners who greatly value their thoughts and accomplishments in addition to their beauty. I know that the Pacific Northwest is pretty different than, say, Los Angeles as far as beauty culture is concerned, but that doesn’t mean that women everywhere aren’t able to fill their lives with meaning and accomplishment despite the constant messages we receive about whether or not we’re pretty enough.

To be a little hetero-focused for a minute: What is missing, sometimes, are men that are able to appreciate these women. The messages we get about beauty are as damaging to boys as they are to girls. Those boys grow up to have expectations of what they should aspire to become and who they should be attracted to. The problem isn’t that women everywhere are missing the point– the problem is that our culture is.

Many girls are rarely complimented on their looks.
I’m a fat woman and I was a fat little girl. You know what I didn’t hear? “You’re so pretty!” I didn’t hear it from adults, and I most certainly didn’t hear it from other kids. I was teased mercilessly for how I looked. I might have gotten a “you’re so cute” from adults, but pretty? No. That’s not the case for all fat girls, but I would wager that there are many a former fat kid who could give me an Amen! on this one. Same thing goes for tomboys. Fat girls, tomboys and otherwise a-typical girls need to be told they’re pretty. Don’t just tell them how smart they are, or what a great personality they have, or how funny they are. Tell them all of those things AND how pretty they are because…

Appearance IS the first thing we notice.
Shocking, right? We shouldn’t spend all of our time talking to young girls about how they look, but they are more perceptive than they get credit for. You don’t have to say “You look so pretty” for them to know that being pretty is valued in our culture. Maybe saying that out loud reinforces it, but there are plenty of times when that’s reinforced in more negative ways. For example:

• Mom or other women in their lives using self-deprecating language about how fat or ugly she looks/feels.
• Parents on constant diet-rollercoasters.
• Adults using negative/shaming language about food.
• Cartoon characters, television, books, magazines, dolls…

See where I’m going with this? You know what sets girls up for dieting at age 5? Parents who are scared of having a fat daughter who tell her to watch what she eats, or she shouldn’t have that, or that she should lose some weight, etc. Girls already know that our culture generally values girls that are pretty, skinny and white because of a variety of influences. Adults not commenting on their beauty doesn’t change what girls come face-to-face with every day. We don’t have to teach a child that she isn’t good enough, or that she must change something about herself to be beautiful. Rather, we should teach her that she’s beautiful already. Perspective is important. We can’t ignore our society’s value of physical beauty, so why not prepare girls for that in a more positive way?

 

 

Side note: Not every little girl will respond to questions about books. I doubt the author was suggesting you should only talk to them about such things, but not every girl cares about books enough to carry on a conversation about them. Additionally, not caring about books doesn’t make her stupid. Maybe she prefers to play outside, or play dress-up, or draw, or perform experiments, or build things, or play video games. Don’t forget that girls can like anything boys can. I suggest asking questions about what they love instead.

Movies that Made Me: Adulthood (Installment One)

You may have read about some of the influential films from my childhood, but I figured that it was only right to share some of the films that have shaped me as an adult. I’m breaking these up because there are SO MANY. Let me know what movies make you tick.

Let’s go!

Sense & Sensibility (1995)

The trials of the dutiful eldest daughter, Elinor, who guards her emotions so much that she convinces herself that the man she wants could never want her back.

Not that I can relate or anything.

To be honest, I haven’t yet read the Jane Austen novel this movie is based on, so I won’t speak to this as an adaptation at all. I will say, however, that this film just strikes all the right chords for me. Elinor and I have a few things in common (/understatement), so I suppose that I connect to this story because of her struggles… And because she is ultimately triumphant in love (even I can dig a happy ending every now and then).

Gattaca (1997)

In the “not so distant future,” one’s genetic make-up is of the utmost importance, making it very difficult for anyone of a less-than-desireable genetic background to have a successful career. Parents are expected to pick and chose desireable traits for their children so they have the best future possible.

And then there’s Vincent. Vincent’s conception is due to his parents’ love, and he is born without any particularly extraordinary traits– an in-valid. His health outlook isn’t so good, which means he must struggle to find success by subverting the system and lying about who he really is.

Why this movie? Firstly, my good friend Darth Batman (remember, DB for short) introduced this one to me with a simple “We’re watching this” approach. It blew my mind. Gattaca does exactly what good sci-fi should: Teach us about ourselves, the world around us and the possibilities that lie ahead (whether good or bad). Popular Mechanics listed it as one of the Ten most Prophetic Sci-Fi Movies Ever.

Simply: Gattaca and Contact were my gateway drugs to science fiction– a genre I hadn’t had much exposure to until then. (You can thank these two movies for my obsession, BSG.)

Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001, 2002, 2003)

I was perhaps already a little more prone to appreciating the fantasy genre than any other thanks to the influence of my mom and my own heavy consumption of fairy tales as a child. I read this trilogy in college right before the movies came out and became just a teensy bit obsessed over Tolkien there for a bit. I mean, only in the sense that I owned books on Elvish and and maybe spent a little bit of time contemplating LOTR tattoos (not that I still am… ahem) and read the Silmarilian on my own and read a fanfic Livejournal and took a course on Tolkien’s literature.

See? Just a wee, teensy bit.

I could probably write a fucking dissertation on these films, but I’m sure it’s best that I spare you. Instead I’ll assert that really, when it comes down to it, it’s all about The Journey: We’re all on one and baby, I want to be the Sam to your Frodo. Or the Pippin to your Merry. Or the Arwen to your Aragorn (because he’s hot, broody and scruffy, and she’s graceful; and I could honestly use a little bit of that in my life). In any case, that’s why the books and movies are so damn awesome and influential– we get to go on a fantastical journey through an awesome world and be part of bringing down the Big Bad.

Sara’s Herb Garden Gimlet

Enjoy this with a side of spring or summer breeze. This is a simple, refreshing and slightly sweet cocktail with a healthy vegetal flavor. Imagine sitting in the middle of an herb garden on a sunny day, surrounded by rosemary, thyme, sage, oregano and mint. Can you taste it?

Sara’s Herb Garden Gimlet
1.5 oz gin (I used Bellringer)
1.5 oz herb garden simple syrup (recipe below)
1.5 oz lime juice (can also use a combination of lemon and lime)Combine ingredients in shaker with ice. Shake vigorously. Serve up. Alternatively: Stir ingredients together and serve on the rocks.

Herb Garden Simple Syrup
1 cup sugar
1 cup water
Desired combination of herbs. I used:

• 1 large sprig rosemary
• 3 sage leaves
• 1 small sprig spicy oregano (don’t overdo it on this)
• 2 sprigs thyme
• A sprig of mint

Combine sugar and water in a saucepan and heat until sugar is dissolved. Bring to a slight simmer, add all herbs and remove from heat. Let steep at least 5 minutes. Strain and cool.

Movies that Made Me: 9 Influential Films From My Childhood & Adolescence

Hieratic’s recent posts about LGBTQ exposure in the media have gotten me thinking about the movies and shows that have shaped me. I’ve seen so many incredible movies and shows over the course of my 28 years, and a few of them have had a huge impact on who I am today (for better or worse).

This list isn’t in order by most impactful, but in (rough) chronological order by when I might have viewed them for the first time. It’s behind the cut because it is a.) wicked long, and b.) includes lots of pictures (heh, that’s what he said).

Interview with Crazy Lisa, Part One

Here is the lo-fi phone recording of the first part of my interview & discussion with Crazy Lisa of The Spice Pantry (squeaky chair, phone notifications, big laughs, art studio echoes and all).

Fair warning: This is a frank interview including bad language. Don’t listen if you can’t handle it, you dig?

Part One: Lisa walks us through the events that led her to her first tattoo, how it became her “gateway drug” to more tattoos, and how the meaning of her tattoo has deepened over the years. Discussion includes: Gutter punks and totem animals.

http://www.podbean.com/podcast-audio-video-blog-player/mp3playerdarksmallv3.swf?audioPath=http://aintnothin.podbean.com/mf/play/3juc8k/LisaInterviewPart1.mp3&autoStart=no

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Crazy Lisa’s Ankh tattoo.

 

Cocktail: Rum & Coke Float

I apologize.

There are no photos to go with this post. No witty anecdotes or stories. Just a recipe for a delicious drink that’ll make you feel like you run a naughty malt shoppe.

Sara’s Rum & (Cherry) Coke Float
2 ounces spiced rum (I used The Kraken)
6 ounces Cherry Coke
A nice big scoop o’ vanilla ice cream (I used Tillamook)

Plop the scoop of ice cream into a large glass. Stir the rum and cola together in another vessel (e.g. a measuring cup), and gently pour the mixture over the ice cream. It’ll get frothy, so remember to pour slowly. Sip, slurp and enjoy!

Tattoo Artist Crush: Jackie Dunn Smith

All of the work I’ve had done so far has been done by one artist: Steve Hate at Old School Tattoo. I’ve explained before what a great relationship Steve and I have, and it’s hard for me to even think about seeing another artist. It feels almost like a form of tattoo adultery.

I will admit, though. I have a huge tattoo artist crush right now. I may need to talk to Steve about having an open tattoo relationship…

Jackie Dunn Smith currently works at Flying Panther Tattoo & Gallery in San Diego, California. Her art is just plain beautiful.

I’m including ink porn behind the cut because there are illustrations of boobies (gasp!).

Single Ladies

As you may have noticed before, I’m a big proponent of ditching the American beauty ideal. I wish it were as simple as crumpling that ideal and tossing it in the trash, but I know better. The Ideal isn’t just something that exists “out there” in the media and in our beauty industry. It’s not something that we’re only reminded of when we open a magazine or turn on the television. It’s ingrained in who we are as a culture now, and it’s ingrained into each of us.

Attraction isn’t simple. While online dating sites can open up new opportunities in some ways, I think it reinforces some of these ingrained ideas because we sit at a screen while we measure each other up. I believe that it’s a useful medium to look at when talking about how our culture operates when it comes to beauty, so this post is written in that context.

So… What Ideal?

Take age, for example. I recently read “The Case for an Older Woman” by OkTrends, a blog by OkCupid that explores online dating habits based on data generated by their users. A quote that really stuck out for me:

…A man, as he gets older, searches for relatively younger and younger women. Meanwhile his upper acceptable limit hovers only a token amount above his own age.

This isn’t all that surprising, is it? I assume we’re all familiar with the paradigm of the middle-aged man chasing the younger woman. The fact that surprised me isn’t that this pattern exists, but that it exists for much younger men, as well. A man in his mid-twenties also demonstrates this habit by choosing women at least a few years younger than he is. As a 28-year-old woman, I’m nearing a veritable black hole of age acceptability for men. Older men want women in their mid-twenties. Younger men want women in their early twenties.

Why am I talking about age when I started out focused on beauty? Because I think this is a good example of what I mean by ingrained cultural norms.

Only the Lonely

Let’s turn to another OkTrends post, “Your Looks and Your Inbox,” which explores the correlation between beauty and how often one receives messages from other online daters. According to data analyzed by OkCupid, mens’ actual messaging habits reflect the same desires they have for youth with regard to beauty. Money quote:

When it comes down to actually choosing targets, men choose the modelesque… Site-wide, two-thirds of male messages go to the best-looking third of women. So basically, guys are fighting each other 2-for-1 for the absolute best-rated females, while plenty of potentially charming, even cute, girls go unwritten.

We not-so-modelsque women hardly stand a chance against those odds. Not only are men most attracted to the modelesque, they believe they deserve a modelesque woman, and they will duke it out to get her. Beauty is so highly valued by men that they ignore 66% of women they feel aren’t desireable enough.

Any other ladies out there feeling a confusing mixture of vindication and depression right about now? We’re not just working against our own tendencies to put ourselves down. We’re also working against how men think we should look. I don’t just blame men for this, but these things are so intricately linked. Would I spend so much time automatically checking out my fat and cringing when I see a photo of myself if I felt like men would look at the photo and think I was beautiful? I work every day to unearth the things that make me feel good about how I look. But in the end: How can I feel desireable and beautiful when men aren’t interested?

I’m no victim, and I think it’s important for each of us not blame one particular aspect of ourselves when we consider issues of attraction. I know that I’m not single because I’m fat. I know, however, that because I’m fat I don’t fit into what’s typically considered beautiful. I also know that I haven’t come into contact with many straight men where I live who appreciate my unique beauty.

I’m curious to know what this struggle is like for you. My experience is obviously grounded in the fact that I’m a straight woman, and that I’m reminded on a daily basis of how I don’t measure-up to the standard set before me. But I know that we all face cultural expectations.

So tell me: Do you feel pretty?